I haven't posted for awhile. I had surgery towards the end of April. I had a thyroid disease that caused my thyroid to become enlarged. It went on for awhile, thanks to a lovely HMO that requires a referral for specialists. Finally, I got a good doctor that referred me to an Endocrinologist. Within a short time she referred me to a surgeon and thanks to that surgeon most of my thyroid was removed and I could breath again! (It had gotten so big that it pushed on my windpipe whenever I laid down.) I had been told that cancer was possible but not likely. A week after my surgery, I got a call from my surgeon about the pathology report. It was cancer but he felt that they got it all.
The last 2 months I've been healing. The surgery wore me out a bit but little by little I've been feeling better and stronger. I made plans with a friend to work on losing weight together.
My endocrinologist thought that just in case, she would have me go to a specialist and have an ultrasound. After waiting an extra 45 minutes in the waiting room, I get called in by a tech. I ask her if I will know the outcome by the end of the appointment. She said it depends but most likely I won't be seeing the Radiologist today. I lay back on the table, she applies the ultrasound gel and begins my procedure. I follow her instructions turning, tilting my head as I'm told. She seems to be spending quite a lot of time on the right side. She lets me know I'm done and then says that the Radiologist will be in to do an additional scan.
What? Didn't she say that I wouldn't likely be seeing him? The Radiologist comes in to do my scan. He is a dry, not so personable man. I explain my previous procedure and outcome. He corrects my technicalities when they aren't perfect. He asks me if I would like to know the outcome then or wait to hear it from my Endocrinologist. Hello! I can barely wait for Christmas presents, I let him know I would like to be told right away. He begins my scan, checking all areas but concentrating on my right side again. Right above my clavicle. He tells me in an exceptionally unemotional voice that he has found abnormalities in my lymph nodes. Crap! Is the first thing that comes to mind. Shit! What is going to happen now? A couple tears are streaming down my cheek, I'm trying to control it but can't. My scan is done and I'm wiping the gel from my neck and chest. He's explaining what comes next and I know I asked questions but it was so much to take in. I didn't bring anything to write on, I didn't think this was going to be anything. My friend offered to go but again I didn't think it was going to be anything.
I'm in a daze as I walk out of the building. I'm trying to remember where I parked I knew that I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I'm behind a bus stop area and call my husband. I'm explaining through my uncontrollable tears what happened and what will happen next. All I can think is that I want him home not in another state, not 4 hours away. Here with me, holding me, letting me fall apart.
Wait, it's me. I'm not suppose to fall apart. I'm the mom, the rock of the family. I have to pull it together. Whether or not I need additional surgery, whether or not I still have cancer my family is out of milk and I need to go to Costco. I call my mom and calmly tell her. She is babysitting the kids, I have my oldest text a grocery list.
On my way there, I remember that my dad is in town today. He had wanted to go out to lunch after my appointment. I didn't commit because I didn't know how long the appointment would take. I let him know that I'm on my way to Costco and will call him when I'm done to see if we are anywhere near each other. I wander my way through Costco, thinking off and on. After paying, somehow my dad found me. How does he always know?
The rest of the day goes on as normal, informing a few friends. Talking to my endocrinologist. Made an appointment with a surgeon. I'll know more then.
